It’s ridiculously hot outside (24° (feels like 32°) with 78% humidity); so much so that there is actually a heat warning out for the Niagara Region today. So, yeah, this afternoon’s planned run…ain’t gonna happen. Instead, I’m keeping it indoors in the nice cool air conditioned atmosphere of my basement and completing a brief yoga/core routine. And, as it happens, I have the perfect yoga accompaniment, the ‘Techniques for Meditation‘ album featuring Johnny Temple and Tom Mains.
I bought this for $5.00 at the SRCvinyl Niagara Garage Sale a few months back figuring it would make a great cheesy addition to my Cornball collection of albums and I’ve been sitting on it just waiting for the perfect opportunity.
As I expected, I could find absolutely nothing about this album on the Interweb thingee. I was fairly confident though that it wasn’t the same Johnny Temple who played second base for the Cincinnati Reds, and it sure beat the shit out me who this Tom Mains dude was. However, to my surprise, it did turn out to be that very same Johnny Temple!
What I did know for sure though is that I thought the album cover was totally killer – and it is. I just want to mash a fistful of Quaaludes into my gaping maw and meditate on it. The rest of it, well, not so much.
In describing the album, it’s probably best I quote from the album itself:
“In an age where stress and tensions have taken their toll, MEDITATION has proven the answer for thousands of persons around the world. If you are depressed, have no direction in life, suffer from anxiety or other stresses resulting from everyday problems and pressures, this album would be helpful for you.”
Huh. That’s about as pertinent today as it was back in 1976.
Good on ya, Johnny and Tom!
I tried meditation once (click HERE) but I wasn’t quite so successful with it. All I could think about was how hungry I was, how many dust bunnies were currently tumbling around on my living room floor, and how in the hell the gang of survivors on ‘The Walking Dead‘ were going to evade the zombie apocalypse that evening. Needless to say, quieting my brain is not easy. But then I discovered this type of meditation (click HERE) and I haven’t looked back.
Anyway, this album is 100% spoken word as the narrators lead us through the process of relaxing our bodies by wiggling our toes and letting each of our muscle groups hang “limp and loose“. The album is divided into two portions, Side One being ‘Techniques‘ delivered by Tom Main, and Side Two being ‘Experiences‘ where Johnny and Tom lead you through their sordid pasts of becoming hooked on tranquilizers and succumbing to the evil pressures of big business; both ultimately being saved by meditation.
It’s a heart-warming story.
“Meditation saved our lives.”
Both discuss other stories about other people they claim to know who have either suffered from drug abuse, were victims of a car accident, and one house mom who just couldn’t “relax and enjoy her stories”. Poor creature. Basically, these two are the Mormons of the meditation world and they’re witnessing to halfwit schlups like you and I about “not being a loser” and solving all our life problems by learning to meditate.
Gimme a break.
‘A’ for effort though fella’s.
I was kinda hoping there was going to be some cheesy-ass meditative music to go along with all meditative instruction bullshit but, alas, there is none, meaning that I had to listen to both these numbnuts through my sun salutations, describe in repetitive fashion how to control my breathing and gently empty my mind by “sweeping away all your thoughts with a mental broom“.
Sure, bud. Whatever you say.
However, did you know that you’re not supposed to meditate for at least 90 minutes after eating? I guess meditation is like swimming in that regard.