It’s 8:00pm on a Saturday night. I should be doing manly things; monkeying in the garage, lifting weights, drinking beer, watching porno, whatever. Instead? I’m listening to Michael Jackson‘s ‘Xscape‘ album.
Just shoot me already.
You see, I’ve been promising HRH that I would listen o this album with her for months. I’ve been putting it off and off since, like, January (when I gave it to her on her birthday). But there’s no “Xscaping” it (if you’ll pardon the pun) any longer.
Tonight is the night.
The album is actually the 2nd posthumous, (and 12th overall) studio album of previously unreleased tracks by “Freakshow” Jackson. It is his 8th studio album released through Epic Records. The album even has Justin Timberland on the album…somewhere. I forget where exactly despite having it pointed very enthusiastically at some point.
In fact, I got the entire breakdown of the album track by track by HRH who has clearly digested, deconstructed and analyzed it to the point complete obsession. What can I say? She loves her Michael Jackson.
Not so much.
And, apparently, you have to listen to ‘ol Michael…LOUD.
If you ask me it’s chalked full of all those overly-repetitive and predictable choruses that the Freakshow was known for as well as all those girly, high-pitched “hee-hee’s” galore. Seriously, dude sounds like a dolphin with an itchy blowhole. I’m sure there’s lots of crotch grabbing going on to but, thankfully, you can’t see that shit with records. Did I allude to any of this to HRH? Shit, no. As far as she’s concerned, I think this is the best thing since sliced bread when, in actuality, I’m in hell. Truthfully, I’d rather be eating a bowl of spiders and I think my testicles just retracted into my abdomen but, hey, these are just the kinds of things that we devoted step-dads do.
This had better earn me some serious points towards “Step-Dad of the Year”.